Volunteer #38 T

star signs: Sun Pisces, Moon cancer and Rising Pisces

i feel like i identify as alt/goth the most. i do enjoy metal music a lot tho but i don’t consider myself a metal head. i’m also a part of the gaming community

i feel like the biggest reason i identify within these communities is due to the music but also the fashion taste as well as literature/movies. i’ve never been comfortable really being open about my involvement in these communities due to being either shamed and bullied because of it or questioned whether i’m legit because i’m a woman. i keep it to myself honestly

i think originally as a teenager i was emo because i didn’t have as much ability to discover other subcultures. as i got older, i stumbled into goth when i found that emo just didn’t fit the way i truly felt. i didn’t really dress emo and didn’t like everything they did. when i started investigating goth i realized i loved how it resonated with my soul. the music, the clothes, the literature, the art. goth women inspired me to be as strong and as beautiful and as powerful as i wanted to be according to my own mind and not the trending/societal definitions.

i feel i have to hide it completely. i lost all my childhood friends and family because of it and most jobs didn’t like that about me too much. i work full time and can never really dress as myself or express myself. between extended family, friends, religion and work i feel like my authenticity and my passion is suffocated

i want to say yes. i’m in preliminary diagnosis bpd, they haven’t officially figured out yet, but because of my mental health i constantly feel like i have to change myself and everything about me. ever since i fully accepted myself as alternative and goth, that has been the one thing about me i don’t try to change and i’m so much better because of it